As I walked alongside Smitakshi, her words echoed in my mind, stirring some deep memories I had buried for a long time. I hadn’t thought about her in years. Though she and the feeling of our romance remained in my subconscious, the memories almost blurred with time.
I could see the faint outline of the church up ahead, but instead of focusing on the present, I found myself slipping back to where it all began—nearly thirty years ago.
…………………………………
It was my 4th and final year at the engineering college—a year when I was busy completing the project and thinking of possible future studies. Thirty years ago, girls were still rare in engineering college- our college was no different. A handful of girls were sprinkled across multiple engineering disciplines across the entire batch. So, in effect, after passing out of a coed school, I had adapted to the easy camaraderie of an all-boys world. The girls in engineering college were a small minority subset. All in a closed relationship with the lucky few guys and out of bounds for the rest. Most of these relationships in our view were never platonic but full of romance.
The boys had their circles, friendships, and a few unstated unspoken rules. Rajesh was one of my closest friends who felt more like family than just a classmate. We have been at school together.
I had been away for a couple of weeks. I was away for my cousin’s wedding, and while it was good to be surrounded by relatives—the centre of attraction as one was getting into the eligible bachelor age group—I missed the usual banter and rhythm of college life.
When I returned, everything at the university felt the same—the same dusty roads that connected various departments, the clatter of cycles, the unnecessary tingling of bells, and the hum in the canteen. Everything was the same. However, something had changed—something subtle that pulled at me without explanation.
It was then that I saw her for the first time. I saw her from a decent distance. She was walking, pushing her cycle along, her red dupatta, which she had tied on her head, catching the afternoon sun—a splash of colour in an otherwise familiar landscape.
I can never explain it, and I share that at the risk of being laughed at, but at that moment, I knew that something deep inside me stirred even before I had spoken to her or seen her up close. There was a feeling of certainty. She was the one- the chosen one for me. It sounds foolish now, but that’s how it felt back then—like the world had nudged me in her direction. In an engineering college, it was unexpected and more of a normal happening.
Naturally, I asked around, trying to learn more about her. I then discovered that in the brief time I had been away –she had grown close to someone I knew, my closest friend Rajesh.
No, no, they weren’t officially together. Rajesh told me so. None of the couples were in the university, but those couples were always seen as couples.
Rajesh laughed off my questions, insisting that there was nothing to it, there was no romantic angle- they were just good friends. She was a junior and new to the city, so he had been just helping her. Maybe for that reason, she has been seeking his company, and people have made their conclusions.
But it didn’t matter. There was an unspoken code among us, a “bro code.” Rajesh’s words were enough. I could believe him, or I could believe the rest of the students. I was not the kind of guy to step into something messy, especially when it came to a friendship like ours, and that too for a girl I didn’t even know.
Still, seeing them together, the way they laughed and the ease with which they interacted tugged at me. I buried it deep and tried to ignore the growing knot in my stomach whenever they were together. I played my part as the quiet observer, the loyal friend who kept his distance. But that gnawing feeling never left me.
And so, life went on. I focused on my studies, final-year projects, and plans for the future. But she was always there, in the background, a presence I couldn’t quite shake, even when I convinced myself that I had nothing to do with her.
Sometimes, we can be foolish. We don’t know where we are headed or where life could take us. Sometimes, we are just one of the uncontrolled units in the river called life, guided by the current—floating towards an undisclosed destination.
Naturally, Rajesh, Roopali, and I became a subgroup in the college and eventually became inseparable.
College has a way of blurring lines between casual acquaintances and close friends, especially when one spends most of the time either in the classrooms or the canteen.
So, it started innocently enough. The canteen became our regular meeting spot. Every afternoon like clockwork, we’d gather there, sipping the lovely tea and samosa served there and laughing at whatever nonsense Rajesh or I could come up with.
Roopali was different, or maybe my eyes wanted to see her differently. There was something effortless about the way she carried herself. Confident, but not in an intimidating way. She had a sharp mind, even though we, as seniors, could be helping her out, she could keep up with the technical discussions; at the same time, she had this warmth that drew people in. She could just as quickly laugh at one of Rajesh’s corny jokes as she could debate the nuances of a thermodynamics problem. And I was to realise later I was not immune to it.
But, there was always an undercurrent—a constant pull I couldn’t deny. Sitting across from her at the canteen, watching her smile over the rim of her tea glass, my heart would tighten. I’d laugh along and joke with them, but inside, something ached. I wanted her in a way I hadn’t ever wanted anyone before. I wanted her to look at me the way I looked at her, to feel the same magnetic pull I felt every time our eyes met, even for a fleeting second. However, there was nothing like that I could read in her gestures or expressions.
I wanted to be her love. But that invisible boundary, marked by Rajesh’s presence, was always there. Even though Rajesh had vehemently insisted there was nothing between them, his easy rapport with her made it difficult for me to believe. They had a comfort level that an outsider could easily mistake for something more. And I wasn’t willing to be the guy who disrupted that dynamic chemistry between two souls, especially where it concerned Rajesh.
So, I played my part. I was the good friend, the easy-going guy who laughed off the growing tension in his heart. I tried to convince myself it was enough to be close to her, even if it wasn’t how I wanted. But no matter how hard I tried to push it down, that feeling kept resurfacing—more insistent each time.
Some days, I’d catch myself daydreaming, wondering what it would be like if things were different. What if I had not been away when she joined, and What If I had met her first? What would happen if I could tell Rajesh how I felt without jeopardising something I couldn’t fix? Is there a possibility of love- romance between her and me?
But life has a way of not giving you answers. At least, not the ones you want.
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Here is Chapter 1 – Rainy evening in a resort at Mukhteshwar of the story with an undisclosed destination. Chapter -II. The beaches and whispering Mukhteshwar. and Chapter-III Mukhteshwar encounter, Chapter IV- Shadows of a Dream. , Chapter -V Opening Gambit-e5 ,chapter-VI- An Evening of Unveiled Secret. chapter VII- The Ride to Lansdowne and Chapter Viii- In search of closure.
This story with an undisclosed destination started as part of the @BlogChatter event #BlogChatterBlogHop, where I started weaving a story based on the weekly word prompts suggested by BlogChatter. However, after the 5th weekly prompt- Blogchatter took a break, but I continued to develop the story based on the prompts friends and readers suggested on social media. I look forward to more work prompts next week. This week’s prompts were Encounter, Romance, Canteen, Mountain, Pleasure, tea, couple, metro, and chemist. I have been able to use 5 out of 09 in this chapter.
