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Okay, It is not that I don’t like reading a self-help book, I do read them. And, it usually is interesting to find one thing that you can implement in life. Test out in life. However, I hate books with titles like ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK’ by Mark Manson.
I might have never bought the book to read. However, when I found it in Audible, I thought what the F*CK, there is no harm in listening to ‘The Subtle art of not giving a F*CK’ by Mark Manson during walks. Not that I give any f*CK.
My motto is simple, and it is in sync with the book.
People who matter don’t mind.
People who mind don’t matter.
I read this book, ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK’ as it matched with my belief of being positively selfish. No, it is not self-centred. And if you are positively selfish, the whole ecosystem around you benefit. Complex thought. Maybe. But this book also says that differently. Be conscious of the precious currency; time and life. Be most productive and don’t give a F*CK where a F*CK does not need to be given.
That’s it. And rest are some more differential take and explanations that fill the book. So, Mark Manson breaks it down into the situation. He shares anecdotes to make you understand his thoughts and what the F*CK is the F*CK he is talking about.
NOT GIVING A F*CK.
So, the key to living a good life is not giving a fuck about more things, but rather, giving a fuck only about the things that align with your personal values. In his words, you have a set number of F*CK in your account to give throughout your life. So, if you start giving a F*CK for everything, soon you will be left with no F*CK to offer, and you will be getting F*CKed.
SUFFERING
Things suck. That is life. Everything cannot be great all the while. Learn to accept this fact of life. Be comfortable with the idea that some suffering is always inevitable. And, there is no value in suffering when it is done without purpose.
PROBLEMS ARE PART OF LIFE.
Don’t expect a life without problems. It does not exist. What you should do is t hope for a life with good problems. A beggar has a money problem. And Warren Buffett has a money problem, but his problem is a good problem to have.
Remember, problems never stop. They merely get exchanged or upgraded. One must work towards getting unnecessary problems exchanged or upgraded.
Life is fine when you have good problems. Then you don’t even need to give a F*CK.
SOLVE PROBLEMS.
Happiness is found in solving problems, not in avoiding them. Your problems are not privileged, and you are not unique in your suffering. Everyone has equally potent problems. All suffer.
ACCEPT THE PAIN
So, how do you get to a stage in life when what you have are good problems. For that, you must accept the pain that you must serve to get there. Once, you do that, you become unstoppable in your quest. Because, at that stage, you have stopped giving a F*CK but started acting on the way to live life. And, finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy.
WHAT IS THAT YOU SEEK FROM LIFE.
Don’t ask yourself what you want out of life. It’s easy to want success and fame and happiness and great sex. Every one of us wants these things. But, have you ever asked, “What kind of pain do I want?”
What you are willing to struggle determines how your life serves you.
DON’T OVERSTRAIN FOR EXCELLENCE.
The world is made up of average people. They are average in most of the things they do. Even if someone is exceptional at one thing, chances are the person is average or below average at most other things.
Humans too follow the bell curve.
So, stop chasing perfection. Enjoy what you are good at and what you can be good at.
Trade the pain you want and upgrade your problems.
Understand you are average and then keep improving in the things you want to improve.
A DIFFERENT WAY.
Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Instead, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong.
We shouldn’t seek to find the ultimate “right” answer for ourselves, but rather, we should seek to chip away at the ways that we’re wrong today so that we can be a little less wrong tomorrow.
WELCOME UNCERTAIN THINGS.
The more you embrace being uncertain and not knowing, the more comfortable you will feel in knowing what you don’t know.
Manson’s Law of Avoidance. NEW ONE FOR ME
The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it. The more something threatens how you view yourself, the more you will avoid getting around to doing it.
If I believe I’m a tough dude, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again.
The belief always takes precedence.
If you don’t have an identity to protect, then change becomes much easier.
For any change to happen in your life, you must accept that you were wrong about something you were already doing.
BRILLIANT FOR ACTION- THINK ABOUT IT.
Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it. Do something and inspiration will follow.
If there is no reason to do anything, if life is pointless, then there is also no reason to not do anything. What do you have to lose? You’re going to die anyway, so your fears and embarrassments and failures don’t mean anything. You might as well try.
DESIRE THE PAIN. PURSUE THE NEGATIVE.
Do you know what sucks? Obsessing over what you don’t have. The desire for a positive experience is in itself, a negative experience.
‘The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.
The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance.
The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.’
Pursue the negative.
‘The pain you pursue in the gym results in better all-around health and energy. The failures in business are what lead to a better understanding of what’s necessary to be successful. Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through fears and anxiety is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.’
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Self-help books have polarised impact on people. Some love it and some hate them. But, you only realise reading what syncs with your thinking and how much you are willing to introspect. ‘The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F*CK’ is a decent enough book. You may not gain b=much- but for the moment you are in the book- you will say, No More F*CK.
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